Oh Vexed

Was there ever time when the world just stopped and waited for a second. Because holy fuck I need that to happen right now. Everything is going way too fast and sometimes I feel like I cannot breathe. My lungs are just being push down by everything that is passing me by and everything I feel like I don't have time to do. Although I say this as I'm wasting time blogging but this isn't really blogging this is a little bit of spiritual release so that I don't burst out crying any minute now. So many things are on my soul right now and I don't even know why half of them are bothering me. And somethings I wish would just disappear because I really don't know what to do or how to deal with them but they are too important to ignore. But to deal with them would be to invest too much time that I don't have. Also every time I say that it feels like an excuse.

But here I go

Fuck me

university is sucking my face off, calculus is crushing my chest, IB is eating my soul, my lack of any relationship in two years annoys my heart, and to top it all off my mom drunkenly cried yesterday over me leaving home and it broke my heart.

Everything just feels like it's not giving me time to think or process before something else happens. No teenager should be this stressed.

And everything makes me feel insure and like a failure. like I need to be fucking validictorian which I cannot even spell like I 'm too smart for any boy to take a chance with.

And every time I say shit like this I read it and I can tell no one is going to get it because my life sounds fine. I'm going to university, I'm smart, I have friends and I'm whining about homework?

It just feels like so much more.
So SO so much more.

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